Service Information for Reuben Laguardia

The service will be Saturday the 20th at 1:00 P.M. Crown Hill Mortuary 7999 W 29 th. @ the Pavilion of Reflection.

A fund has been established for Reuben’s two year old daughter. Donations can be made to the ‘Reese LaGuardia Memorial Fund’ and can either be deposited at any Wells Fargo branch.

Here is the link to visit Reuben's obituary. Please visit and sign the guest book if you would like.

Reuben LaGuardia

There are some things that cannot be explained nor understood.

There are some things that are just there. 

You cannot change them, nor the people that decide those outcomes.

No matter how much I wish I could go back and change certain things, no matter how hard my heart wishes, I cannot go back and save those that I love from being destructive.

Sweet cousin...even though you were my cousin-in-law, we were related. We had tiffs like blood relatives do, we made up like friends do...we had inside jokes, many nights shared laughing, nicknames we called one another and you even tried to beat me up like my brother.

I will never understand how you could cut your life so short and leave behind so much. 

Reuben, New Years Eve 2004

But no matter where you are right now, I want you to know that I love you. I have always loved you. I am so thankful for the time that we were able to share and I regret not telling you more often how much you meant to me. I wish that I had done that more than anything...told you how much we all love you. I don't think that would have made a difference in the end, but at least you would have known.

I hope that you can now find the peace you had been searching for, even if your peace is no longer includes being here with us. You are now in your heaven...but I still hope that Grams is scolding you =) And then trying to feed you meatballs and sausage.

Rest in Peace dear brother, you will be sorely missed and much loved.

Dave and Reuben...circa late 90s?

Dave and Reuben, June 2012

Reuben toasting us at our wedding, September 2006

To those of you who knew and loved Reuben, I will update this post once I have more information regarding his service as well as his obituary. 

More for my memory, here is an interview Reuben gave to a Colorado Springs news station just a few weeks ago.

High Tea Bridal Shower

Yesterday I threw our cousin's fiancee a High Tea Bridal Shower. With only two weeks notice and no budget, I think that it worked out well =)

Here are the results (remember that if you would like to see a larger image of any below, just click on it):

Table cloths from our local thrift store...one was even a lace curtain panel that was large enough to act as a nice table covering.

My Grandmother's China. Pattern: Ye Old Curiosity Shop

I asked guests to bring a picture from their own wedding to display as centerpieces. Unfortunately just about everyone forgot, but at least we had a few.

Menu:

Iced Tea

Lime Spa Water

Various Hot Teas

Cucumber Tea Sandwiches

Tarragon Chicken Salad Sandwiches

Egg Salad Sandwiches

Iced Tea Cupcakes

Various Cookies & Candies

And the Bride's Favorite: Cinnamon Gummy Bears

The Dessert Station

The Iced Tea Cupcakes

Side Note: I thought that they could have used a bit less of the instant iced tea mix, but everyone seemed to like them. Not such a big gamble for an untried recipe!

The Sandwich Station (during the guest rush)

The Beverage Station

Tea Cup Party Favors with four different varieties of teas as well as two tea mixes in addition to a lovely poem about tea and friendship. Tea cups were from the thrift  store and the tea was from our ample supply in the cupboards.

Side Note: I have been trying to find this quote for the last ten minutes online so you have the full version, but for the life of me, I can't find it anywhere!

We played a few games found on this site and had a toilet paper wedding dress competition.

All in all I think that everyone enjoyed their time in our backyard...the weather was perfect and the light breeze helped cool everyone off =)

Remembering Victor

My father lost his partner a couple of weeks ago. It was sort of expected, but sudden all the same. We made a quick trip up to OR to be there for my dad and to pay our respects to Victor. True, we didn't have a strong bond with Victor due to distance and also due to the age at which they started their relationship, but I did respect him and their love. Victor was a Vietnam Veteran...he was also an elementary school teacher, father of four, an avid gardener, and someone who loved my father with all his heart and soul. He was someone I could rely on to tell me if my Dad needed me even if Dad was trying to protect me.

His service was full Military Honors up at Willamette National Cemetery. I've never been to a military funeral before even though many of those in my family who have already passed on could have had those honors at their services. Hearing TAPS and those gun shots was fairly emotional. I wasn't sure that I would cry, but seeing my Dad suffer, seeing his internal struggle to stay strong even though he lost a part of his heart was so terrifyingly horrible. To know that there is nothing you can say or do to make that person feel whole again...it was hard. But I know that Dad is strong and resilient. And I know that he was grateful that we were there for him.

I know that my dad is stronger than he looks...and that he will be ok.

It made me think about my own mortality as well as those around me. It made me think about making plans for the future, since we do not know what will happen at any given second of any given day. I know that as soon as this happened, Dave and I had several in depth conversations about what we want, and made the decision that as soon as we do cross that threshold into pre-parenthood (ie pregnancy) we will be sitting down to write out our wills and last wishes/requests. Not so morbid, but more of a planning session...and for someone who desperately needs to plan things out, even if things don't necessarily follow that plan, it has to happen.

Divine.

I was just thinking about this topic last night after seeing some insensitive posts about religion. The following article (posted in full below) touches on just about everything that was running through my head. How bullying because of sexuality, appearance and/or religion is tolerated (even though there is such an anti-bullying movement in our schools) by adults in the adult world.


It is so true that we are all sensitive...some more than others...and then there are those who mask their sensitivity by returning cruel remarks in kind. For those of you who know me, you know that I believe in God...but a different God than the one portrayed as that white haired old guy sitting in the clouds, creepily watching over us. For me, God is the divine...God is inside all of us. We are all capable of performing miracles, we are all capable of experiencing the awesomeness that is nature and knowing that there is more to the world than just us...that our being is just a small spec in this incredible universe.  I cannot believe that there is a God/Power/Universe/Spirit/Spaghetti Monster that would be a hate mongerer, unless you worship Satan or some sort of dark energy...but the God that is divine, that God shows in all of us when we embrace love, compassion, understanding and forgiveness. And when you perform acts of love, compassion, understanding and forgiveness, you are being Godlike.  Not when you judge someone for who they love, how they believe or what they look like. That is being as un-Godlike as I can imagine...and as un-Christian as I could ever believe.


I know some, if not a lot of you, don't believe in God...and that's cool with me. Because it matters what is in YOUR heart, not what is in mine. Sure, I can tell you about my beliefs and try to pressure you into seeing things my way, but to what end? It will only push you further away from possibly gaining a sense of understanding about how I view the spiritual world.


Dave and I have tried on many different occasions to find a church, which to me is more like a community of like-minded people, that we could belong to...but to be honest, and I know I've said this before, it is hard to find people, in an organized setting, where hatred doesn't seep through...even with the best intentions...the hatred always taints the love that we should have for one another.

Oh...I remember what I was going to say...it was that I can't believe in a God (white haired guy from the Old Testament) that would create us in any other way than intended. Fat, Muslim, Gay, Straight, Catholic, Stick Thin...it is how we are supposed to be...because we were born this way...and we should embrace that...not think that we are sinners because of who we really are. The true sin is lying to yourself and to others about who you truly are...and that, my friends is the real tragedy...and a HUGE SIN of many churches/religions today.


And now I'm rambling...like a weirdo.


So without further ado, here's the article I was yammering about earlier on in this post:

A Mountain I'm Willing To Die On

Posted: 01/26/2012 7:41 am

I've been watching America's response to recent bullying-related suicides closely. People seem quite shocked by the cruelty that's happening in our schools. I'm confused by their shock. I'm also concerned about what's not being addressed in the proposed solutions to this devastating problem.


The usual response seems to be that we need to better educate students and teachers about what bullying is and how to react appropriately to it. You can't argue with that. But on its own, it seems a little like bailing water frantically without looking for the hole in the boat.


Each time one of these stories is reported we tend to say some version of "Kids these days -- they can be so cruel." But I think this is just a phrase we toss around to excuse ourselves from facing the truth. I don't think kids are any crueler than adults. I just think kids aren't quite as adept at disguising their cruelty.
Yesterday I heard a radio report that the students most likely to be bullied are gay kids, overweight kids and Muslim kids.


Hmmmmm.


I would venture a guess that gay adults, overweight adults and Muslim adults feel the most bullied as well.
Children are not cruel. Children are mirrors. They want to be "grown-up." So they act how grown-ups act when we think they're not paying attention. They believe what we believe. They say what we say. And we have taught them that gay people are not okay. That overweight people are not okay. That Muslim people are not okay. Through our words and actions we send the message that these people aren't equal and they should be feared. We know that people hurt the things they fear. What kids are doing in the schools, is what adults do in the media. The only difference is that children bully in the hallways and the cafeterias while we bully from behind pulpits and legislative benches and in one-liners on sitcoms.


People are heart-breakingly sensitive. If enough people tell someone over and over that he is not okay, he will believe it. And one way or another, he will die.


So how is any of this surprising? It's quite predictable, actually. It's trickle-down cruelty.


I don't know much. But I know that each time I see something heartbreaking on the news, each time I encounter a problem outside, the answer to the problem is inside. The problem is ALWAYS me and the solution is ALWAYS me. If I want my world to be less vicious, then I must become more gentle. If I want my children to embrace other children for who they are, to treat other children with the dignity and respect every child of God deserves, then I had better treat other adults the same way. And I better make sure that my children know beyond a shadow of a doubt that in God's and their father's and my eyes, they are okay. They are fine. They are loved as they are. Without a single unless. Because the kids who bully are those who are afraid that a secret part of themselves is not okay.



***** Dear Chase,


Whoever you are, whoever you become. You are loved. You are a miracle. You are our dream come true.


Chase, here is what would happen in our home if one day you tell your father and I that you are gay:
Our eyes would open wide.


And we would grab you and hold you tighter than you would be able to bear. And while we were holding you we would say a silent prayer that as little time as possible passed between the moment you knew you were gay and the moment you told us. And that you were never once afraid to tell us. And we would love you and ask you one million questions and then we would love you some more and finally, I would likely rush out to buy some rainbow t-shirts, honey, because you know mama likes to have an appropriate outfit for every occasion.


And I don't mean, Chase, that we would be tolerant of you and your sexuality. If our goal is to be tolerant of people who are different than we are, Chase, then we really are aiming quite low. Traffic jams are to be tolerated. People are to be celebrated. People, every person, Is Divine. And so there would be celebrating. Celebrating that you would be one step closer to matching your outsides with your insides, to being who you are. And there would be a teeny part of my heart that would leap at the realization that I would forever be the most important woman in your life. And then we would tell everyone. We would not concern ourselves too much with their reactions. There will always be party poopers, baby.


We just wanted you to know this, honey. We've worried that since we are Christians, and since we love The Bible so much, that there might come a day when you feel unclear about our feelings about this. Because there are a few parts in The Bible that discuss homosexuality as a sin. So let us be clear about how we feel, because we have spent years of research and prayer and discussion deciding.


Chase, we don't believe that homosexuality is a sin. Your parents are Christians who believe that the Bible is inspired by God, just like people are. And since the Bible is a living thing, it is in its very nature to evolve toward becoming more loving. We are to interact with it, to interpret it with our minds and hearts and souls. We are to consider the culture and time in which it was written and then consider the progress humanity's made since then. We believe that when those two things conflict, we are to consider the spirit of the law before the letter of the law. And to always choose mercy over judgment. Sometimes this means that we appear to be picking and choosing what we believe in the Bible. It's not really that, exactly, but it looks like that. And many will tell you that this approach to Christianity is scandalous and blasphemous. But the thing is, honey, that the only thing that's scandalous about this approach is admitting it out loud. The truth is that every Christian is a Christian who picks and chooses what to follow in the Bible, in one way or another.


Several years ago I was in a Bible study at church, and there was some talk about homosexuality being sinful, and I spoke up. I quoted Mother Teresa and said "When we judge people we have no time to love them." And I was immediately reprimanded for my blasphemy by a woman who reminded me of 1 Corinthians 6: 9-10 which says that none of the sexually immoral will inherit the kingdom of God and includes "homosexual offenders" on a list of those types of people.


But, I was very confused because this woman was speaking. In church. And she was also wearing a necklace. And I could see her hair, baby. She had no head covering. All of which are things that are sooooo totally against the Bible Rules. * And so I just assumed that she had decided not to follow the parts of the Bible that limited her particular freedoms, but to hold fast to the parts that limited other people's freedoms. I didn't point this out at the time baby, because she wasn't a bad person. People are doing the best they can, mostly. It's best not to embarrass people.


What I'm trying to say is that each Christian uses different criteria to decide what parts of the Bible to prioritize and demonstrate in their lives. Our criteria is that if it doesn't bring us closer to seeing humanity as one, as connected, if it turns our judgment outward instead of inward, if it doesn't help us become better lovers of God and others, if it distracts us from remembering what we are really supposed to be doing down here, which is finding God in every human being, serving each other before ourselves, feeding hungry people, comforting the sick and sad, giving up everything we have for others, laying down our lives for our friends... then we just assume we don't understand it yet, we put it on a shelf, and we move on. Because all I need to know is that I am reborn. And here's what I believe it means to be reborn:


The first time you're born, you identify the people in the room as your family. The second time you're born, you identify the whole world as your family. Christianity is not about joining a particular club, it's about waking up to the fact that we are all in the same club. Every last one of us. So avoid discussions about who's in and who's out at all costs. Everybody's in, baby. That's what makes it beautiful. And hard. If working out your faith is not beautiful and hard, find a new one to work out. And if spiritual teachers are encouraging you to fear anyone, watch them closely, honey. Raise your eyebrow and then your hand. Because the phrase repeated most often in that Bible they are quoting is Do Not Be Afraid. So when they tell you that gay people are a threat to marriage, honey, think hard.


I can only speak from my personal experience, but I've been married for nine years and barely any gay people have tried to break up my marriage. I say barely any because that Nate Berkus is a little shady. I am defenseless against his cuteness and eye for accessories and so he is always convincing me to buy beautiful trinkets with our grocery money. This drives your sweet father a bit nuts. So you might want to keep your eye on Berkus. But with the exception of him, I'm fairly certain that the only threats to my marriage are my pride and anger and plain old human wanderlust. Do not be afraid of people who seem different than you, baby. Different always turns out to be an illusion. Look hard.


Chase, God gave you the Bible, and He also gave you your heart and your mind and I believe He'd like you to use all three. It's a good system of checks and balances He designed. Prioritizing can still be hard, though. Jesus predicted that. So he gave us this story. A man approached Jesus and said that he was very confused by all of God's laws and directions and asked Jesus to break it down for him. He said, "What are the most important laws?" And Jesus said, "Love God with all your heart, mind and soul, and love others as yourself." When in doubt, Chase, measure all your decisions and beliefs against that. Make damn sure that you are offering others the same rights, courtesies, and respect that you expect for yourself. If you do that, you can't go wrong.


Chase, you are okay. You are a child of God. As is everyone else. There is nothing that you can become or do that will make God love you any more or any less. Nothing that you already are or will become is a surprise to God. Tomorrow has already been approved.


And so baby, your father and I have only one specific expectation of you. And that is that you celebrate others the way we celebrate you. That you remember, every day, every minute, that there is no one on God's Green Earth who deserves more or less respect than you do, My Love.


"He has shown you what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God." - Michah 6:8


Love, Mama


P.S. We thought we should mention, honey, that if you're straight, that's okay too. I mean, it'd be a little anti-climactic now, honestly. But your father and I will deal.


P.P.S. As daddy read this essay, I watched his gorgeous face intensify. He teared up a little. Then he slammed the letter down on the kitchen table and said emphatically and without a touch of irony, "DAMN STRAIGHT."


Which, when you think about it honey, is really the funniest possible thing daddy could have said.
Love you Forever.

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